Porn is love you can see.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
