Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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