I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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