I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize