So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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