Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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