I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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