I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
