Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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