I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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