Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
