Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
