Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
