when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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