I hate your face
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
