so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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