Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
