Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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