i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
