I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
