Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
