my phone needs a breathalizer
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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