haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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