Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
