Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
