I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
