yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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