i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize