420 ftw
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
