the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
