My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
