The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
