can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
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