I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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