hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
