since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
