I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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