Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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