I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
