I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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