Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
