this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
