I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
