she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
