he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
