She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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