i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
