Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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