wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
