literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
