Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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