I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
