hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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