Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
