I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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