You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
