I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize