Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Say something about gay babies.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
