The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
We had to coat check the pizza.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
