Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
