Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize